I play a lot of games, right from that red hatted plumber to that ash covered fanatic who goes about killing Greek Gods, I have played a lot. Like any other gamer, I have had my moments of exquisite ecstasy and unrelenting rage. We gamers like to talk a lot of smack, most of it though is harmless, but sometimes, we are lucky we don’t have a gun nearby, or a machete or a screw-driver. Read on to find out, what really makes a gamer violent. And if you ever hear your hubby or your bf cursing something about any of the below, its better you give them a wide berth.
1. Escort Mission
So you are playing Resident Evil. You have just started to feel good about yourself, those stupid zombies don’t know whats hitting them, and you have a bunch load of lead stocked up just in case. That’s when the game slaps on a harmless little girl, or an injured comrade, or a lost dog, or mini-boss from another level (who kicked your ass back then, but now seems to be afraid of the dark). Its upto you now, to take this sad excuse of a colored polygon from Point A to Point B. If he dies you lose, if he stays too far behind you lose, if you die; welll you get the picture. Suddenly the zombies who used to stick to you like cheese to nachos, avoid you like cats do water and try your companion on for size. It doesn’t matter how big and bad-ass/ cute and harmless your buddy looks, enemies just prefer new meat, and for whatever reason your partner does too. What more they don’t know how to defend themselves, they might have guns (they might as well have tooth-picks instead) but they don’t know how to fight, how to take cover, how to freaking meele or just sprint away from danger (you think living in the center of an infected city might teach them a thing or two).Run too fast, and your quarry might stall and stand like a lost poodle on rainy day. Run too slow and you would find him jumping into un-cleared areas ready to take you down with him. They don’t take directions too well either, how many times have you said “Not there you moron, the door is this way” or “Get out of my freaking way, I need to dive.” or “Go to hell you mOfO….may you always rot in hell”
2. Reward System
You are a level 132 Knight, wielding a lvl 121 katana, wearing a lvl 119 scottish quilt (rocking it btw) and using lvl 102 “Nemor’s Ancient Deodric Spell Caster Aura” as your primary skill. You just defeated the entire undead army, grinding it out for an continuous 3 hours without flinching (you sofa now has a permanent puddle in the shape of your butt and the air reeks of your sweat). Many a times reaching to just 10 HP of your enormous health bar, it was hellish, it was bloody but it was awesome. The town rejoices, the mayor asks you to meet him and take your reward. You take a drink from your cooler (which isnt cool any longer) and press the A/X/Space to accept your award. What do you get: a lvl 23 Brass Armor, and the mayor say, “I am sure you will put it to good use”. Damn sure I will…I will use it right up your….and then go on to level your town, and then maybe tea-bag on your temporarily dead bodies.
3. Cheap Bosses
You know what I am talking about. Tekken and MGS are famous for these. These bosses have huge health bar (which get re-filled once or twice depending upon how much the game wants to screw you). They have high damage and unblock-able combos (so if you haven’t packed your health packs, we will see you at your last save). And remember that spell, which you tirelessly leveled up and now it takes 1000HP in one go, well you can’t use that spell on him; no the spell/skill/weapon which has served you so well is next to useless against this behemoth (because this huge, sprawling creature who looks he can take you and then some is just one big Quick Time Event). Why you ask me, well Fork you that’s why.
4. Restricted Movement
The game designer is creating a map, and he thinks “Hmm-mm…I don’t want the player to access this part of the map, what should I do?”. After a while he goes like, “I know, I would create a small step that is about his waist height, and sucker can’t jump; Problem Solved”. So I can slay hundreds of minions, rip apart beast with my bare hands, drive a truck through an apocalyptic city, but can’t jump onto a platform which is waist high. Yeah go figure!
5. Unlock-able Difficulty Levels
Games have side missions, they have collectables, they have even have eastern eggs. But how do you really make a game re-playable, unlock-able difficulty levels that’s how! The game doesn’t care what your game-score is, or how long you have been playing video games, you need to prove it to the game by first beating it on a lower difficulty level, then unlocking a higher one, and then beating it on Insane/Heroic/Nightmare (whatever in-creative name they have come up with) all over again. And you know what the best part is, all these more difficulty levels have achievements/trophies attached to it, so if you want a perfect score, the game is guaranteed multiple playthroughs. The game lets you choose how you look, how you dress, how you speak, how you fight, but it doesn’t let you choose how smart/stupid your enemies can be, unless of course you have beaten it once.
What else makes you cringe and cry, when you are playing a game. What makes you feel you want to find the guy who came up with the idea, and then punch him in the face, then in the gut, and then stomp all over him as writhes in pain on the ground and then drag him outside and run him over with your car, before spraying him with gas and then putting him on fire. Comment or I am coming for you.